A few weeks ago I was on Spring Break and spent almost the entire time with family. I stayed with my parents Monday through the first half of Thursday and then my fiancé and I left directly from there to visit his mom and step-dad until late Saturday afternoon. It was wonderful being around the people that love us the most, especially since we don’t get to see everyone as often as we’d like, but by Friday, I was done. At the time, there were some issues going on with my family and I felt I needed to be the “comic relief” or the “tension breaker” so I was as enthusiastic and helpful as I possibly could be in order to bring some lightness to the household. I think anyone who tends to fall into this role on a normal basis can tell you that it’s not easy and although you’re glad that you can ease the tension, it can take a lot out of you by the end of the day. Still, by Thursday, I thought I was doing pretty good (hint: I wasn’t).
In addition to being drained from the last few days, I spent the entire 3-hour car ride consumed by the emotions and issues that had occurred while I was with my parents and I was just completely exhausted when we finally arrived at Jacob’s (my fiancé) family’s house; this was probably the big warning sign to take a break, but of course I didn’t. His mother and step-father are wonderful, kind people and I adore them, so I want them to see how excited I am to spend time with them, which usually results with me expending a tremendous amount of energy while I’m there (something I didn’t realize until later).
I was running on empty, but I kept going anyways. I refused to acknowledge what my mind and body were trying to tell me because I wanted to be a “good” guest and an appreciative and loving daughter in-law. Jacob asked me multiple times Thursday if I wanted to take a nap so I could have some time for myself and I kept declining the offer; I was worried his parent would think I wouldn’t want to be around them. Later, we went to visit Jacob’s maternal uncle and he is….interesting. He has a different way of viewing the world and interacting with people (he has what was previously known as “Aspergers Syndrome”) so that in itself can be emotionally draining as well. I felt so frustrated and upset after our visit that I was on the verge of tears all the way back home, but, honestly, nothing really occurred during our time with his uncle that should have made me feel that way.
I finally decided to take a break so after we got back to the house, I said I was feeling tired and that I was going to take a nap. Really, I just needed to hear….nothing; just complete silence. I had to figure out why I was in this “funk,” so naturally I turned to my tarot cards, specifically my “Slow Holler” deck that is just excellent for shadow work and figuring out what’s “really” going on. What the cards revealed made me break down moments later because I didn’t realize how much I had been suppressing for so long. Not to get into too much detail, but I’ve felt professionally stagnant for almost a year and unsure about which direction I need to go in, saddened and worried about specific family members physical and mental health, confused about my spiritual beliefs, and stressed about school. Most of these things I either can’t control or I’m uncertain as how to control them, so instead of learning how to effectively cope/address these issues, I ignored them and they finally caught up with me. I was emotionally crashing and the entire week just zapped any energy I had left.
After having a good cry, I did what the cards advised me to do, which was take only what you need and leave the rest behind. So, after we got back from our trip, I identified what I could and couldn’t change instead of just lumping them all together and throwing it in a deep, dark closet somewhere. I chose to focus only on one issue at a time that I was able to control and it became fairly obvious that one change led to another almost effortlessly. I started managing my time better and developing effective organizational skills regarding school assignments. I also began to explore my beliefs and spiritual views in more depth, which has become the most influential factor in my life. I not only feel more fulfilled, but I also finally realized that the reason I may not be moving forward in the direction I thought I needed to go in was because it probably wasn’t the right road for me. I need to do what makes me happy and be in an environment that will not only be conducive for my future career as a counselor, but also my passion for working with the tarot. This has led to a serious decrease in procrastination because now I see a light at the end of the tunnel, a goal that fills me with love and light.
So, if you ever feel overwhelmed or “funky” and you don’t know why, turn to your favorite tarot deck and start asking; you never know what is lying just beneath the surface.
Slow Holler Deck: http://slowholler.com/